EPILOGUE

Judith died peacefully at 11:20 PM yesterday, January 22, her mother Gerry at her side, holding her hand. Her dear children Greg and Jessica were there with us as well. She was surrounded by her closest family members (except her brother and sister-in-law who had gone back to Toronto a few days earlier). It couldn't have been better for Judith or for the four of us.

She slipped away without pain.

We all believe her dad was holding her other hand.

But our pain is almost unbearable, even though we've had 16 months knowing this event was inevitable.

We spent a long time afterwords holding Judith's fragile shell, and trying to comfort each other. It was a special time that none of us will forget.

Her funeral will be at 3:00 PM on Sunday, January 25th at Mount Sinai Memorial Park, 5950 Forest Lawn Drive, Los Angeles 90068. (In the San Fernando Valley).

Shiva minyans will be held each night Sunday through Thursday at our home at 1459 Chastain Parkway West, Pacific Palisades, CA. 90272.

I cannot tell you how much I miss her.

WES (aka Wesley Bilson)

Judith Wolfe Bilson

February 21, 1949 - January 22, 2009

I THINK OF JUDITH AS SHE SLIPS INTO A COMA

JUDITH  STANDING BY A POOL

FILLED WITH CANDLES

AT DUSK

IN BALI

 

THERE'S JUDITH ON THE FLOOR, PLAYING

       READING TO GRANDCHILDREN

AT SUNDOWN IN CAPETOWN.  HIKING IN HORNBY, BIKING IN IRELAND.

And there she lies, her breathing shallow.  Her eyes half open, half closed,

          

        not really seeing. Not knowing.

Breaking our hearts.

SURFING IN HAWAII.  DANCING IN SPAIN. TAKING IN ITALY. WEEPING IN ISRAEL.  HOME. TREKKING IN EGYPT.  SHOWING THIS WONDROUS WORLD TO GREG AND JESS, AND SEEING IT THROUGH THEIR YOUNG EYES. 

                            CRUISING, CRUISING.  EVERYWHERE.  

NOW. . . .Nowhere.

      Where are your headed my darling wife?

WES (aka the vigilant one)

TO EVERY THING THERE'S A SEASON

A time to live.

A time to die.



Judith decided some time ago that:

• we would all discuss life and death issues openly
• that we would all follow Judith's wishes as to her treatment
• that she would let us know when her quality of life was too impaired by her pain
• and finally that she would tell us when she wanted to stop her active treatment and achieve a painless, peaceful and dignified passing

She made that decision today.

JUDITH TELLS US THAT SHE HAS SAID ALL SHE WANTS TO SAY, SEEN ALL THE VISITORS THAT SHE CAN HANDLE, WRITTEN ALL SHE CARES TO WRITE

HUGGED HER LAST HUG

TASTED HER LAST TASTE

SEEN HER LAST MOVIE


KISSED HER LAST KISS.



She wants to be sedated and prepare to greet her father on the other side.

We, her family, are full of sorrow, terror, relief for her, and respect for her brave decisions.

WES (aka the messenger)

A MEANINGFUL VISIT

         Judith's older twin brother 

         David arrived Thursday and 

         was joined by his wife Joanne

         Saturday.

 The weather continued balmy

         and much of the time before

         they left Monday was spent by

         the pool.

        This is them.

Upon David and Jo's departure, Judith got extremely weak and tired, and is spending her time resting.  We are deeply sorry that so many close friends and family cannot visit at this time, but we hope you understand.

WES (aka the "doorman")

        

ERROR-ERROR-ERROR

Boy, am I dumb....

Doug Aberg, the GREAT, TERRIFIC, DEDICATED R.N. that has been so wonderful to us, parted company with his employer a couple of weeks ago and I said he had been terminated.

This turns out not to be true.

I'm a jerk.

Forgive me Doug.

WES (aka the embarrassed one)

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

HALLUCINATIONS AND PARANOIA ARE SYMPTOMS OF CANCER THAT ARE EXPECTED AT THIS STAGE OF THE DISEASE.

WE ARE TOLD THAT AS TIME GOES ON IT GETS WORSE.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT JUDITH GOT EXTREMELY AGITATED AND PARANOID, MAKING NO SENSE AND SCARING THE HELL OUT OF BOTH OF US.

I HELD BACK TEARS AS I ADMINISTERED YET ANOTHER NEW, STRONG (ANTI-HALLUCINATORY) DRUG, HELD HER TIGHT AND REASSURED HER, AND GOT HER BACK TO SLEEP.

CANCER IS A FORMIDABLE ADVISORY.

WES (aka the night watchman)

SUR-REALITY

For the past few days Judith and I have sat for many hours in our beautiful back yard, looking out at the hills and ocean, with Catalina Island rising from the sea in the background. Sailboats gliding on the water. Her mom doing exercises in our pool.

We discuss end of life issues and raise questions with Doug, the hospice nurse and close family members.

The 80 degree weather and the pictures of snow and ice seem like a metaphor: we bask in the warm air and soothing breezes while watching most of the country in snow - a virtual deep freeze.

Our lived life seems real. The talk of death sur-real, just like the TV pictures of the freezing weather beyond our sight.

And so another heartbreaking day is past.

WES (aka your real surreal servant)

THURSDAY

Judith's brother David arrived today, and Judith perked up considerably.

WES (aka your faithful airport shuttle driver)

TORONTO TO L.A.

I called Judith's brother David in Toronto and asked him if he could come earlier to be with Judith.

He moved his arrival from Saturday to Thursday.

WES (aka your Air Canada L.A. agent)